Naruto exe
by Proxay
Summary: This is a story following a knuckle head ninja, wise cracking menu and a party of weirdos and psychopaths. Throughout having to the best way to exploit the system of The Game, Konoha and life.


Speech Patterns:

Human Dialogue: "What the hell is a software?"

Human Though: " _And what's an exe?"_

Biju Speech: **"How should I know brat"**

Biju Though: **"** ** _God damn Uzumaki's_ "**

The Game: **You really need some INT points**

Flashback: {.}

 **Ping**

 _What the hell?_ Naruto asked the boxes in front of him,

 **You have slept in your bed, HP and CP fully restored**

 _What the fuck?_ The prankster leapt out of his bed and performed the snake seal

"KAI" he cried out, panicked, the blue translucent boxes did not disappear, "KAI", after many tries the boxes still did not disappear. A terrible thought ran through him, h _ave they finally decided to get rid of me with genjutsu!_ He remembered the lesson on genjutsu from Iruka in his second year.

" _Genjutsu is the act of controlling an enemy's cerebral nervous system to simulate the effect of the natural five senses" Iruka said his class,_

" _Speak Japanese sensei!" Naruto called out cheekily and promptly was pelted with some chalk,_

" _Put your hand up next time you want to ask a question Naruto!" Iruka scolded, "but to summarise, it is when a shinobi controls his enemies senses, this can be anything from pleasure to unbearable pain" Naruto rolled his eyes, believing ninjutsu to be the almighty ninja skill, after all, some illusion couldn't hurt_ him _right?_

 _There messing with me_ the victim thought, _next is the torture_

Naruto ran to his cupboard,

" _In this unit you will learn the theory and use of genjutsu in a battle setting, and how to dispel genjutsu" Iruka explained,_

" _Sensei, how would dispelling genjutsu work?" Sakura, the class's book worm asked suddenly – Naruto was slightly miffed that_ she _didn't have chalk thrown at her_ ,

" _Good question Sakura, while you will learn this during the unit, but I will give you a quick rundown on how to dispel genjutsu."_

Naruto looked into his wardrobe to see a multitude of boxes with slightly faded scribbled japanese on tags,

" _There are two viable ways to dispel a genjutsu for the majority of ninjas" Iruka informed,_

The boy found the box he was looking for, the tag said ' _Kunai_ '.

" _The first one, and more viable is the kai technique, it is done by forming the snake seal and pulsing chakra through your system."_

Naruto opened the box and pulled out one of the academy issue kunai, blunted for safety,

" _The second option is something you_ must _only use in dire situations, and will only use with either a safe zone near you, or a medic"_

He raised the kunai high and aimed, sending chakra to the wielding arm for the blade.

" _This option is-"_

Naruto arm soared down and-

"Pain"

 _Stabbed himself_.

Pain soared throughout his body, causing him to convulse and jerk around suddenly. He had never felt this type of pain before. His mouth opened to scream, but turned to a chocked gag.

The prankster wrenched the weapon out his thigh, causing a sudden wave of even _more_ pain. As the aching faded to a bearable amount, Naruto's mind went into self-preservation mode and decided to clean up his wound before a screen popped in front of him.

" _What the FUCK is going on?"_ he asked himself before he noticed the blue panels in front of him;

 **Welcome to the program: "The " I am Menu-Sama and I will be your guide throughout this software!**

" _Why didn't the pain work, Iruka said getting hurt was the best way to dispel a genjutsu"_

 **As each world is different I must tell you this is not fake or an illusion, this is software created by my world's god, Gaia!**

" _Why is this happening to_ me?"

 **We will begin with your status page, this is the page which will tell you your level and stats;**

 **Naruto Uzumaki**

 **Occupation: Shinobi Academy Student**

 **HP: 100**

 **CP: 300**

 **LV: 1**

 **% to next level 0.00**

 **STR: 5**

 **VIT: 10**

 **DEX: 3**

 **INT: 4**

 **WIS: 2**

 **CC: 1**

 **LUK: ?**

 **Titles:**

 **1\. (?) + 10 CP to every level up to Age & \+ 1 VIT to every level. Summary: (?) Status [Perm.]**

 **2\. (Prank Master) + 10% EXP increase to [Skills] Stealth, Trap Making & \+ 1 INT every level. Summary: After years of ingenuity and pranking, you have reached near the pinnacle of pranking using a host of different skills such as stealth and trap making, which translates to shinobi skills. [Temp.]**

 **3\. (No title currently equipped)**

 **Points: 0**

 **Perk Points: 0**

 **Summary of character: After being brought down by the villages around him, the orphan Naruto has become more meek and shy than his original loud and boisterous self when he was younger, but still believes that he will become next Hokage and constantly challenges the best of his class to try to prove something. The reason for the village hating is currently unknown.**

" _I don't even know what these stats mean_ "

 **I will now explain these stats too you and how to level them**

" _Isn't that convenient"_

 **Strength or STR is used to determine the amount of strength in the person, it will increase blunt damage but not bladed damage. You can train this by doing weight training eg. Lifting weights**

 **Vitality or VIT is used to determine the amount of endurance of physical aspects, this includes pain endurance. You can train this by doing physically straining activities for long aspects of time eg. Running around a field**

 **DEX or dexterity is used to determine your speed and precision of bladed and throwing weapons, this also increases bladed weapons. You can train this by doing actions that takes lots of preisions eg. Painting**

 **Intelligence or INT is used to determine the amount of data that is within your brain, this includes tactics and newly acquired techniques you haven't committed to memory. You can train this by acquiring information about anything eg. Trains**

 **Wisdom or WIS is used to determine how you use your current INT and helps let you make wiser choices, you can train this by doing mentally straining activities eg. Chess**

 **Chakra Control or CC is used to determine how you use you chakra, this makes certain techniques viable or use less chakra. You can train this by doing anything with your chakra, but it only really works with special chakra control exercises, eg. The leaf sticking exercise**

 **Luck or LUK determines how lucky you are, this affects drops and luck based games, like poker. You cannot train this skill as you cannot train Luck, but certain events can make you have a higher luck stat.**

"Thanks for the information dump" Naruto said sarcastically, throughout reading the information coming to terms with this… thing,

 **No problem 'The Gamer'**

"Calling me the gamer seems weird, can you called me Naruto instead?"

 **Okay Naruto 'The Gamer'**

"Never mind, can you tell me about titles?"

 **Sure thing 'The Gamer'**

 **Titles are used to show different titles that you have earned or are born naturally with. The titles you are born naturally with are permanent and you are usually unable to take off. The titles you earn are different however, as they can been taken off, (see Temp.), these titles can be anything at all, whether it be a badge of honour for killing a large amount of the same enemy or doing something precarious. Of course titles aren't always beneficial towards the holder, as some have almost no beneficial stats, and these are usually permanent titles.**

" _Why does everything have to be so god damn expositional?"_ Naruto thought,

 **Because this is the first you have seen me 'The Gamer', I need to help you through the tutorial.**

"AH! You can hear my thoughts!" Naruto cried out, stunned from having _no_ privacy,

 **Of course, how else would you communicate to me stealthily?**

" _That is very true Menu-Sama"_

 **There is one more thing that is required to pass the tutorial 'The Gamer'**

"What is it?" Naruto asked,

 **Skills are used throughout the ga-**

" _Yeah sure, don't even ask for my permission to start talking"_

 **-me to show progress of certain skills, some skills have a soft cap, while most do not. The skills that do have soft cap are usually inferior skills and can be improved on from an objective stand point. Some skills have the ability to mutate instead of have no soft cap, these mutations often outweigh the no soft cap ability eg. A skill that has not even been thought up yet would be improved upon. Skills can be anything that is not instincts and something that you have need to learn to survive on a basic standpoint, like breathing or defecating.**

Naruto sighed, is that all?

 **Yes it is.**

 **Congratulations 'The Gamer' you have completed the basic tutorial, for the reward you have received the skills;**

 **[Gamer's Body (Passive) LV: MAX 0.00% XP]**

This skill allows the holder to live in a gamer character's. Allows The Gamer to gain back HP and C by sleeping. Formula = [X] HP + [Y] C restored by [Z] by sleeping in [W]

 **[Gamer's Mind (Passive) LV: MAX 0.00% XP]**

This skill allows the holder to automatically calmly and logical think things through. Also stops some psychological effects.

 **Have gained the ability to [Save]. You'll probably need it.**

"Wait what?" Naruto asked.

After receiving the skill [ **Gamer's Mind** ] Naruto had simply gone through his normal morning routine, go to the toilet, eat breakfast and get ready for the academy. But throughout cooking his instant ramen, The Game gave him this message:

 **Congratulations you have created a skill!  
I hope it isn't burnt.**

 **[Cooking (Active) LV: 1 23.54% XP]**

Allows the holder to cook food and make drinks with varying degrees of success. I would suggest that you eat and drink, it's kind of important.

Success depends on recipe

 **Recipes**

 **Instant Ramen**

 **90% to succeed**

Naruto stared dumbly at the panel, ' _Skills can be his?_ ' he though to himself,

 **Apparently you did not read the summary of skills earlier**

"Shut up"

 **And you may want to check the time,**

"Oh shit!" Naruto finished his ramen with more haste than usual, (essentially record speed) and started to run to the academy, " _gotta' be there on time!"_ he thought to himself,

 **School a day keeps the failure away!**

 **Objective: Get to the Shinobi Academy on time**

 **Bonus Objective: Get there with ten minutes to spare**

 **Reward: 100 XP**

 **+5 Reputation with Iruka Umino**

 **Bonus Reward: 50 XP**

" _What the hell?"_ Naruto thought to himself,

 **That is a viable question 'The Gamer', this is a quest. Quests are the driving force behind your new life! Quest can be anything from saving the world to clearing some leaves in a garden, doesn't that sound fun**

"…"

 **Of course you wouldn't do these quests without a reward, so when you complete an objective, you gain an award, these awards aren't granted until you finish the quest. So no cheap skating! Now you say, "** But almighty magical and supremely awesome program, what if I want to be an extreme gamer? **"**

" _I would never speak like that"_

 **Yes you would! Now-**

" _Did that thing just talk to me?"_

 **Yes I did, now stop interrupting me! Or I'll stop you from talking. Now to be an elite gamer you need to finish 'Bonus Objectives!"**. **These objectives are used to make it so that you have to actively look for secrets! So don't be a jack ass and just do the story-**

" _Look, I don't have time for this, so can I just accept the quest?"_

 **School a day keeps the failure away!**

 **Objective: Get to the Shinobi Academy on time**

 **Bonus Objective: Get there with ten minutes to spare**

 **Reward: 100 XP**

 **+5 Reputation with Iruka Umino**

 **Bonus Reward: 50 XP**

 **[Y] [N]**

Naruto clicked the **[Y]** button and almost immediately saw a time in his vision that was counting down from 15, "So t _o get the bonus objective I'll need to get to Academy in five minutes"._

Naruto stumbled through his classrooms doors, panting like a dog,

"What happened to you?" Choji asked, absentmindedly wiping crumbs from his face from his potato chips.

"A *pant* very *pant* STU- *pant* PID *pant* BET" Naruto panted out, at least happy he managed to complete the bonus objective,

 **Congratulations, you completed**

 **School a day keeps the failure away!**

 **Objective completed! + 100 XP**

 **Bonus Objective not completed. Time left: 0.000001 seconds**

" _GOD DAMNIT"_

After only being a week of a new year, no one had claimed a seat yet, as it was a free for all, so whenever Sakura Haruno walked into the room (usually with Ino Yanamaka either next to her or in front of her) Naruto would cross his fingers and pray to the gods to make her sit near her, thinking, " _Please Sakura, sit here, just for a lesson, please god, this is my only wish"_ , and like all other prayers, it was ignored. Naruto would then sit with his chin on his desk and wait for two other students, - often civilians that had no place here, after all, Naruto was the best civilian shinobi – but instead he was stunned that he didn't notice the words above others heads, for example:

 **Chouji Akimichi LV** **5**

 **Shikimaru Nara LV 4**

 **Sakura Haruno LV 4**

" _Now why didn't I notice that befo-"_

 **Congratulations you have created a skill!**

 **You stalker**

 **[Observe (Active) LV: 1 0.00% XP]**

You can now observe other's stats.

" _Did that thing just call me a stal- never mind, just use the skill"_

Naruto looked at Sakura and thought **[Observer]**

 **Sakura Haruno**

 **Occupation: Shinobi Academy Student**

 **HP: 75**

 **CP: 50**

 **LV: 4  
Percent to Next Level: 31.00**

 **STR: 4**

 **VIT:** **3**

 **DEX: 5**

 **INT: 12**

 **WIS: 7**

 **CC: (Perfect)**

 **LUK: ?**

 **Titles:**

 **1\. (Leader of the Sasuke Uchiha fan club) -33% of experience gain to all shinobi related skills & +10% of experience gain to all stalker related skills. (Temp.)**

 **2\. (Monstrous Book Worm) +10% to all related skills that can be learned from a book & -5% to all physical skills (Temp.)**

 **3\. (Cannot be used)**

 **Points: N/A**

 **Perk Points: N/A**

 **Sakura is an incredible smart kunoichi in the making, and has the possibility of being the kunoichi of the year, but is being brought down by her obsessiveness of Sasuke Uchiha. While love may be good, this is beyond a doubt bad for her potential career, and the fact that this 'love' has broken up a friendship and is currently physically disabling her, is incredibly bad and must be stopped.**

" _I swear, I'll help you with what you're going through!"_ promised Naruto valiantly, while being yelled at for not getting up for taijutsu training.

A.N: This was unpolished, though I wanted to get this out of my folders and onto the net.

Constructive Criticism is very much appreciated

Enjoy

-Proxay


End file.
